Eurovisions

Some brits may be confused as too why Ireland has made Jedward as our Eurovision song contest entrant. I mean you’d swear we didn’t want to win or something….ya! exactly! Given that the country is currently broke and we’ve won it three times in a row before, we’re trying to make sure we don’t end up hosting it again. Any Irlande douze pointe will be considered a personal insult to the country. The Spanish have made clear that they don’t want to win either. So whoever wins, don’t be sour winners!

But will Humperdinck ensure that the UK finally wins or will the UK get “the hump” again? Now while he is a good singer, let’s face it, his chances of winning are slim. The UK could put together a super-group of musicians, drawing on Oasis, Coldplay, Beatles, etc. and still struggle to make a mid table placing. The British with its highly successfully and profitable international music industry is sort of looked at as the class swot by the rest of Europe’s musicians. For most bands on the continent the Eurovision is their best shot at the big time. So inevitably Britain’s chances of winning will always be low…thought with everyone broke right now, ye might pull it off.

So in future rather than trying to actually win the thing, the Brit’s should actually do what the rest of Europe does, find you’re worst group of tone deaf weirdoes (Britain’s Got No Talent?) and put them on show, giving the rest of us all a good laugh.

Of course its no laughing matter that its being held in a Azerbaijan, the Beeb did a piece on corruption and suppression of human rights in the country. Also one would question whether Azerbaijan (or Israel for that matter, I mean if they’re in why not Lebanon or Jordan), should really be in a European competition. Clearly we need to throw a few countries out. One idea would be to perform a “human rights check” on all countries. We send someone with a megaphone to the capital of every nation in the eurovision (I nominate Jedward ;D) who stands in the centre of the city square and hurls insults at the premier, president, big boss, emperor. If isn’t shot by snipers within a few minutes, they’ve passed the test and can stay in…if not…well no more Jedward! We’ll have to rely on “My lovely Horse” next time.

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