Occupy London & St Pauls – The Devil wears luminous yellow

You know I hate it when I’m proved right, especially when it turns out to be something I said in jest. You all may have heard the story about St Paul’s cathedral being closed for the first time since the Nazi bombing by a load of protestors camped outside. While the media, the Murdoch lot in particular, were quick to throw Godwin’s law out the window and draw the Nazi link to protestors “shutting down the cathedral” (Hang’em all!) they failed to report the real reason for the church closing, a tyranny that stalks our land and makes a group of fluffy tree huggers, or indeed jack boot wearing fascists seem tame in comparison. That tyranny is Health and Safety man.

You see one of those things that the Elf & Safety lot get carried away about is fire exits. I mean what if the church caught fire and full of people (well if it was the bankers I suspect we’d bar the door and start roosting marshmallows 😉 ). So these H&S lot demand multiple fire exits (what if Zombies were stalking the earth at the time of the fire and cut off one of the exits!) and outside the entrance fire escape paths are need for the crowd too move away to a designated “muster zone”. The shear size of Saint Paul’s means that the size of its escape paths are quite large as they have to accommodate thousands of people moving within a few minutes, even thought there’s scarcely anyone other than a few tourists in the building these days, with maybe a few parishioners on Sundays. The H&S logic is that if the building caught fire and with the protestors camped outside those fleeing the building and running in fear of their life’s from the flames might be too polite to shove past the protestors or climb over the tents or that the hippies might be too stoned or stupid to clear out of the way of a burning building, and consequently everyone would burn to death. Common sense is not something the H&S lot welcome, indeed in order to become a Health and Safety inspector one is subjected to intense electric shock therapy in order to drill such nonsense out of you.

In my last post I joked about how if Jesus came back he’d been pilloried not by Beelzebub or Richard Dawkins, or the gays, nor the Muslims (actually the Koran mentions Jesus), no his greatest enemy would be conker banning, grave stone knocking over devil in a high visibility jacket (the real devil wears luminous yellow and safety goggles). While the police eventually fecked off and left the protestors alone after the Bishops asked them too (I mentioned the principle of sanctuary in my previous post), Health and Safety man answers to no one. His dictates, regardless of how illogical and utterly stupid they are, ultimately supersede all law, even god’s law and divine providence and of course the democratic will of the people. Consequently the headline in the Sun should read “Health and Safety Nazi’s shut down St Paul’s for first time since their pals shut it down in 1940”.

Some of the activists are trying to pin the blame for this action on Dave C or Boris “Bullington” Johnson. Actually I suspect for once their both in the clear. There are hundreds of these H&S killjoys loose in the city of London. Much like sharks can smell a drop of blood a mile away these H&S lot are attracted to the sweet smell of joy, happiness, pride or overall well being and they will immediately make haste to the location to see that it is stamped out at once. Most H&S inspectors ultimately go a bit loony in their old age, seeing danger (Basically people having fun) everywhere. They often die when, fearful of injuries they might sustain in a fall, they insist on being rapped up in Styrofoam until they suffocate.

Health and Safety has not so much gone mad, it’s gone crazy. As I revealed awhile a go they’ve closed down many remote bothies (again fire escapes), they were responsible for much of the chaos in recent winters by stopping people doing their jobs (bus, lorry and gritter drivers or teachers), and getting one teacher fired for daring to defy them and apply “common sense”. That scary headline in the Express last winter (saying the snow was going to kill 60,000 people, came from these H&S “experts”). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we should rename “Health and Safety” as “Blame allocation” or Save Ass Policy Scheme…or SAPS for short ;D!

Never mind the EU, we should be petitioning parliament for the right to opt out from Health and Safety law. If people want to take a few minor “risks”, so long as you know what you’re getting yourself into, we’re all adults and should be allowed to decide what we feel constitutes a risk and what does not.

Indeed it is slighty ironic that the bankers down the road can take absurd risks with the countries finanical future, with everyone complaining loudly if anyone takes about bringing in the slightest wiff of regulation to manage this risk. But you can shut down a Cathedral with no questions asks due to the loony dictate of some H&S SAPS!


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