The Ministry of Silly walks

Yesterday was the annual day for the Orange men to go “marching up and down the square” in Glasgow, hence many of us were awakened at 9am to the sound of drums and a brass band outside, not the sort of thing you want to hear when sleeping off a hangover (thank god for ear plugs!). I don’t know what it is about these guys, but they always remind me of that Monty Python sketch “ministry of silly walks”, what with their little bowler hats and umbrella’s.

The Orange order is a sort of strange relic of a bygone era. Their whole policy amounts to questioning whether we should you have one German in Rome as head of the church…or another German in Windsor :)) ?…sorry, I meant Lower Slough :DD? Indeed it’s strange to consider how so many people in the modern era hold such bigoted views. I would note that often its not the Orangemen who are the problem, but the hangers on in Rangers tops who follow any march that are usually the ones who cause all the trouble (the wannabe Orangemen). But still, if a load of wannabe Jihadi’s were to go marching through Glasgow in celebration of Bin Laden, or the Clan/neo-nazi’s to go marching either, PC plod would be in there like a shot (never mind what would happen if a bunch of peace-niks tried to do the same!). So its strange how we let one group of bigots get a free pass while anyone else trying to do the same will get themselves arrested.

Of course the Orange order would claim they are not anti-catholic “bigots, but merely celebrating Britishness and the importance of the Union…..you guys do know that William of Orange was a Dutch toff who barely spoke a word of English and indeed his only qualification for the job of king was the fact that he was rabidly anti-catholic. Hardly the sort of person I’d be celebrating as an example of modern Britishness. And have any of you guys been to Holland these days? Are you familiar with Dutch politics, i.e. legalisation of pot, prostitution, gay marriage and euthanasia and pretty much everything else that stanch conservatives such as the Orange order are firmly against.

Of course, this is what happens when people adopt a tabloid version of history. Another favourite king of many Brits is Richard the 1st (or “the Lionheart” to give him his absolute dictator stage name). He’s been voted “the best ever English King” on a few occasions….English King! Richard I was about as English as onion soup or frogs legs! He was in fact a French man who spent barely a few months in Britain during his entire reign, could barely speak a word of English and basically regarded the country as his own personal royal piggy bank to be milked dry to support his wars abroad. So less Kenneth Branagh and more Nicolas Sarkozy.

Of course the thing that I really can’t understand, so why so many Catholics, particularly those in the North, get so upset about the Orangemen, and I mean to the point of rioting. Guys, the only reason they are marching is in the hope of getting a rise out of you and basically pissing people off. If everyone adopted my strategy (ignore em!) then they’d eventually get bored and go away and annoy somebody else… maybe taking up cartoon drawing lessons…or maybe that’s the point, that Catholics need to “take one for the team” on this matter for the sake of everyone else.

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