The GIT, the TIT, his WAG and 75,000 Twits

As you may know, the footballer who cannot be named for legal reasons, I shall refer to him henceforth as a Mr A. GIT, while “tired and emotional” wound up sleeping with some “gold digging floozy” (to quote one tweet) “whom he should have seen coming a mile away” (to quote another). And when the inevitable happened (she wanted to be paid to keep her trap shut) rather than doing the decent thing (well the decent thing would have been to keep his d!ck in his pants) and apologise to his wife, he hires Farter & Fuck and tries gets a “super injunction” imposed. Of course the internet and the twits on twitter inevitably resented the idea of being gagged. I mean, within hours of this “super injunction” being announced, a quick Google search for Footballer Imogen Thomas got you Mr A. GIT’s name.

Of course, our GIT, Farter Fuck and the high court judge (I’m not sure if I can name him, so we’ll call him Mr Senior Sentencer or SS for short) all resented this turn of events. How dare people on the other side of the world enforce they’re right to free speech. I’m mean who do they think they are passing laws allowing people to say what they like! Of course when the GIT, Farter and the SS tried to apply their rules to the internet and twitter they earned themselves a sharp lesson in the so-called Streisand effect as 75,000 twits promptly tweeted rendering their efforts all but pointless. Now you would think that the GIT, FF and the SS would realise that they were wasting everyone’s time, as the world and his mother know who Mr A. GIT is, but no the injunction stayed in place, even though Scottish newspapers had already published Ryan Giggs photo on its front cover and the Scottish government seem likely to refer any calls for prosecution to the case of Arkell v. Pressdram. Fortunately, a Lib dem MP did everyone a favour, told us what A. GIT was, yet still they haven’t given up.

We are in this situation for 2 reasons. Firstly because we have these privileged and pampered overpaid and oversexed footballers, who think they live in some sort of gilded balloon. As one MP put it, “in Thailand they’ll imprison people for criticising the King, here in Britain we do if for footballers”. The problem is that many of these GITs seem to think “ya right too” as they think they are like the Thia king, a cut above the rest of us, not just some special needs moron who kicks a ball around a park once a week. The reasons behind this pampering of these celebrity footballers is the torrent of money flowing through football. Hence, these guys are used to demanding whatever ridiculous thing they want and, much like the other privileged elite in the banking industry (also sustained by a torrent of money), they get it. Obviously both also assume this applies to the legal system too.

There is attitude permeates every level of football, from the players all the way up to FIFA, which practically exudes corruption, and yet again FIFA expects governments to bow down and do its bidding. There is a simple solution to this problem – dam the river of money. The bulk of this comes from TV rights, so we simply declare the TV rights of all football matches as public property (i.e they cannot be bought or sold for anything other than a nominal sum that must go to charitable purposes). All the TV channels get the right to broadcast any match they like, thought for the sake of a quiet life and avoiding 24 hr football they’d also be advised to sort out a means of choosing who broadcasts what (by drawing lots for example as happens between ITV and the Beeb with world cup matches). This process would cause a major downsizing of the money flows in football. Clubs would not go bankrupt, they’d just need to drastically cut players salaries and transfer fees. This of course would make for a level playing field with smaller clubs able to compete, so it won’t be the usual bore of Arsenal v Man U v Chelsea(ski). FIFA would be forced to clean up its act as the comp trip gravy train would come to an end.

There is talk now, as a result of Mr A. GIT, Farter Fuck, the TIT, the SS and the 75,000 Twits, plus a Bonker (whom I shall refer to by the alias of Scottish Holder of Indebted Titles or SHIT who was busy shagging while the bank burned) of a constitutional crisis in Britain….what constitution? That’s the problem, Britain doesn’t have a constitution and hence why we have the ridiculous and wholly undemocratic situation where judges (many of them Free masons) are making up laws that can challenge both parliament’s and the presses rights to do their jobs. Indeed it’s not just British judges, but European judges who are getting in on the act, thought at least with the EU court of human rights they are trying to stand up for the disadvantaged, not privileged and overpaid bankers and footballers.

The solution here is simple – bring in a written UK constitution, just like every other democratic country in the world. This would establish limits on the powers of both parliament and the courts and prevent a repeat of this and similar hypocrisies occurring in the future.

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